Well here I am sitting in a deep pit of despair...or most likely feeling the hangover of the msg that I piggishly consumed 5 hours earlier. A proper nursing diagnosis might read: potential risk of abdominal dehiscence as evidenced by bloating due to the increased uptake of msg. Potential side effects may include: edema to the feet, hands(also called "snausages"), the Elvis'ism of the cheeks and necks, and dry mouth. So dry in fact that your tongue has made its home outside of your mouth in hopes of a droplet of anything moist!
I had myself one big old pity party tonight. First off I made the mistake of going down memory lane. Not just going down memory lane, but opening every door of memory I had of my dad and my last words I shared with them. I felt regret, guilt...you name it. The should haves, could haves and would haves were coming out of my mouth. If onlies were next..."if only I could just say goodbye..." Do I feel better now?? Not really. I just feel sad. I do know that life is what it is. There will be no more second chances, no more hugs or fond farewells, and I am okay with that, but the simple truth of this all is that I miss my dad and life sucks (big ol' donkey balls )sometimes. Plain and simple.
So after wallowing in my sadness I began to feel pretty pissed off with myself. I work my butt off at work...I don't saunter down the halls or down the stairs. I work hard. I go, go go. But...when I'm at home...I am slothlike in all of its glory. Normally comfortably fitting shirts have become Richard Simmons-like on me. I'm rocking out the look of the half shirts my friends. At first I was convinced that my dryer was shrinking my clothes but a closer look in the mirror (which was followed by a "holy muther effer who the hell is that" kind of shriek!) I realized that it was just my gutt growing..ughh... Seriously...I swear I'm the laziest person known to mankind right now. Tonight, instead of going to the basement to call my kids to bed, I sent my oldest a facebook message telling him to send him and his brothers upstairs so I could say goodnight. Frig...what have I become??(and did I really admit this to everyone??)
I lack motivation. If I could get an exercise bike that could power the computer..man I'd be in shape. I know that I NEED to start moving. I need to start eating better at home. I see some of the patients that come into the hospital and I don't want to become that person. I know that there are many people in this world that would love the gift of mobility. I am mobile, and don't treat it like it's a blessing. Things need to change.
So in my post msg hangover state that I'm in, I'm challenging myself to"Walking for Facebook". Every minute I walk will be a minute I can spend on the computer. This sounds quite difficult, drastic some may say,perhaps even impossible but I am doing this. (or will try doing this). I know my extra chins and gluteus gradiose will thank me in the long run.
Will anyone join me in this challenge?(and if you don't hear from me for a few days, you know things aren't going quite as I planned...)