Saturday, January 24, 2009

Yertle the Turtle

Last night I was exhausted. I decided to have myself a hot, bubble bath and relax in the tub while listening to some tunes on the mp3 of my fave past times. So I drew the tub, lit the candles and added the scented bubbles. I set my glass full of lemon water within arms reach and slowly sank into the tub, knowing that this would be a perfect escape for me.
As I sat in the tub I immediately knew there was a problem. I felt a quick, painful surge in my derriere. I kind of wriggled around and the pain was starting to throb.
Immediately I jumped up and felt and pulled the head of a plastic turtle out of my butt.
"Holy Shit!!"I screamed.(no pun intended!!)
"What's wrong??!"my hubby yelled.
"I just got sodomized by Gav's toy turtle!"I yelled.
"You what??"he asked hesitantly.
"I just pulled the head of Gavin's turtle out of my ASS!"I shrieked.
"You had a turtle in your ass??"he questioned."What are you talking about?"
"I sat on Gavin's toy turtle!"I explained.
"Only you!!"he said, holding back some laughter.
"And it hurt!!"I yelled.
"I'm sure it did!!"he laughed.
So I went back into the tub and realized I was lucky that it was only Yertle that I sat on. Also in the tub was a huge crab, tentacles and all, and I'm sure that would have caused some serious discomfort and possibly a trip to emergency.
Next bathtime I'm making sure all the toys are taken out of the tub!!



Gwen said...

Jenny, it wasn't your fault. You have to believe me. And, in time, the pain will lessen.

We have to find you a support group. I'm off to google "Victims of Violent Turtle Sodomization."

Clover said...

CRACK ME UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clover said...

oops, no...

that's should actually read,

UP YER CRACK!!!!! lol

(if its ok for me to be cheeky ;) )

Shan said...

Betcha that turtle charges by the hour.

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