Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Sad...Mad...and Angry

Well it's almost 1 am and I just can't get to sleep. I feel so absofrigginlutely sad and upset with myself...why?? I am so FRIGGIN tired of being fat and slumpy! Lately I have hardly done my workouts and I find myself thinking of every reason in the book why I shouldn't be working out. It all boils down to lack of motivation and laziness.
I have also found my eating habits haven't been great. I have been back on the sugar and tonight I had no willpower and ate a donut. Like I really need a donut!! This is what frustrates me...why don't I just say no?? Will I wilt away and die without the sugar??
To make matters worse I tried on some of my summer clothes. My intention was that this year I'd have to go and buy a whole new wardrobe because my clothes would be WAY too big. Ummm....No!! I tried on my capris and they were lose in the hips and legs but F$Ckin' Sheet they were snug on the gut!! So I look like I am seriously ready to birth a Watermelon.
It just makes me sad, mad and angry. All at myself. I really have no one to blame.
So tomorrow I am off of the sugar again. I will only eat the whole carbs and have made myself my meal plan for the day. The only thing that really does work for me is the 6 small meals a day + EXERCISE!!! Yah there is no excuse for me not exercising like I need to be. 3 times a week will not get me the results and last week I only worked out twice a week.
So this Mama is mad, but determined. Tomorrow I know will be trying for me as I begin my detox from sugar and coffee...oy...I'm limiting the coffee because I have become a coffee fiend these days so I will try and replace some of the coffee with green tea. Actually this tomorrow has officially become today....
Wish me luck!!
I just had to rant~!(I'm not looking for sympathy...just had to share!)
Good night!!
~jenny

9 comments:

joni said...

GO Jenny GO Jenny!!! i walk lots these days, and would love to have your company..hehe or we can wildly run..lol Hey are you free today at 1:00? msn me and let me know would yah...if not, then a coffee tomorrow?

tan said...

Okay Jenny first off you are not fat..,why do you think you are fat?okay stupid question.Do you think that is how people see you?Well i happen to think you are beautiful inside and out.Remember you have lots of people who love you for being just that you.Love you

Jenny said...

Hey Tan, I really appreciate your kind words, but truthfully I am fat. I am not one that thinks saying "fat" is a bad word...it is what it is. I am overweight. I am not saying that I am not beautiful or am a troll, but I am in need of losing weight. For me this post is about getting myself in gear and kicking some butt. I am the only person who is responsible for me losing weight. I have to take control. Thanks for your comment.

Lucy said...

Sister

Did you get in my head or what? Wow I couldnt of said it better! Regardless if your 100 pds or 200 pds, you rock! You're beautiful inside, and out and you are a motivator for me, youll be ok. That sun is shining and we need to make commitments to walking everyday!
Lets do it!!!

Joy said...

YOU GO GIRL!

Pen said...

I hear ya Jenny. I don't think i'm an ugly, bad person either because i'm fat but I AM FAT and you're being real about it and I love that you've put a voice to your feelings and understand that it's up to ourselves to make the changes and it's easier to fall back to what we know at times. You'll do it cuz you're determined. This is a prime example of the Mountains and Valleys!!

xo Pen

adding a ps: cuz the word verification was befukd LMAO!

Devo said...

Hey jenny,

Partners all the way, that's what a girl who loses her motivation needs. Find someone who will be depending on you every day, and you on them, even if it's multiple people, and make a commitment to each other to not let the other off the hook. Girlfriends are a great motivator. Best wishes finding your mojo again!! Devo

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I think many of us are feeling the blues that our bodies didn't weather the winter well. One thing that I vowed this year was that instead of sitting and watching the kids I'd actually take advantage of play time to get some exercise. While I was at the park today instead of sitting on the bench I walked around the playground and did arm exercises thinking to hell with anyone who cared if I looked stupid.. and you know what??? the only other adult there JOINED me..

Sometimes it's just having to do it alone that sucks so bad. Maybe if you could find a buddy it wouldn't be so hard.

I'm routing for ya!

Hugs

Julie

Gwen said...

I hate this whole western society image thing. It drives me crazy that our own bodies can be such a source of discouragement and self-hatred. I remember being 119 lbs (okay, a long time ago) and being so ashamed to look at myself in the mirror because I was so fat. This whole culture is sick with insanely unrealistic expectations, and it makes me furious. Randomly pick 20 women from the western world and I'd guarantee that not one of them would be happy with themselves. What a sh*&@y society. I spend way more time thinking negative thoughts about my body than thinking positive thoughts about my great life.

Right, pardon the rant. Sorry. Sore spot.

I'm glad you're not referring to yourself as a troll. You're fantastic, and I'm so happy that you're not calling yourself down! Good for you for wanting to get in shape, just don't turn into one of those freaking annoying people who say "Oh, I was so bad today, I ate a smartie." I like your attitude.

 
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