Friday, April 08, 2005

Mannequin Pis

Last night while in the bathroom doing my night time ritual of cleaning and teeth beautification I heard a strange sound. I tried to ignore this sound which sounded like a waterfall. "Perhaps it's in my imagination!" I thought to myself. However, this sound continued. Curiously I opened the bathroom door and there stood Josey at the top of the staircase... peeing!
"Jonas," I shrieked, "WHAT are you doing?"
He finished did a quick shake of his butt and started to walk away. It was only then that I realized his eyes were not even opened! He stumbled back into his bedroom (after unsuccessfully trying to enter our room) and went back into his bed and fell (or rather stayed) asleep! Has anyone ever tried to clean up pee from the top of a staircase of 13 stairs? The pee dribbled like a soft waterfall. At one point it almost sounded soothing: the soft trickling of a peaceful stream. Then reality hit me and I didn't know where to begin. To make matters worse, I had taken out my contact lenses and was wearing my "half glasses". These "half glasses" are my glasses that are missing the one arm. So if I bend over the glasses fall over. At night when I am laying in bed watching "Jerry Springer" (hey I feel damn good about my mundane life after watching those screw ups!) Scott will look over at me and say "You can tell you are related to your dad with his one lens missing out of his glasses and your arm missing! Please, go get some new glasses?!" (My appointment is for April 28th)
Back to the pissy was difficult in bending over with those "half glasses" to clean up the mess. I did what I could do. It took a "good 20 minutes" to clean it all up. This morning I noticed that Jonas had also peed all over Scott's lovely mask collection(darnit all) that adorn the staircase wall! I won't tell him that, he wouldn't find it amusing! So I have spent most of the day cleaning!
This morning when I was laying in bed recapping my own Mannequin Pis from the night before, I felt a warm trinkle on my toes.
"What the ...?" I began to say. I jumped up and would you know it, Gavin had flung his diaper off in the middle of our bedroom and was peeing on my leg and toes. When it rains, it pours!! It sounds unbelievable, but I swear all is the truth.
The other day Gavin threw Seamus' pajamas and a LOTR guy in the fish tank. Scott had a hissy fit (like only Scott could have). At the time of this latest fish tainting experience, I was on the phone and Scott was on the computer. He believed that I was at fault. Anyhow, he had a hissy fit and stated that, "nobody in this house cares about the fish like I do. I work hard at keeping them...I guess they'll all die then!" and off he stomped.
"Well if they are that important to you Take you and your beloved fish tank and find a "Fish Friendly" place to live!" I shouted. "Better yet, when we buy a new house we'll look for one with an in-law suite and that suite can be for you and your fish!"
"Sounds ideal for me!" he added.
"Great then!" I responded.
Ten minutes later I was upstairs in our bedroom watching General Hospital (yes I am addicted to this soap). Scott came and laid beside me. He was staring at my face and said, "you have the most beautiful face I ever saw!" Coming from the man who wanted his own "Fish Friendly" home. But how could I be mad with a comment like that! I did respond with "you must be blind".
I do believe that kids learn from the example of their parents. This morning I was in the laundry room. I was sitting on the concrete floor, knee-high with the laundry basket spilled over onto me. If anyone knows me, they know that I despise putting laundry away. My laundry is always done, but it is trying to get it put away. Anyhow I was searching "in my closet" (as this is how I refer to the laundry baskets, because the clothes never seem to be put away!) mumbling unmentionables when Seamus poked his head in from the playroom and asked, "Mommy, what are you doing?"
"Looking for underwear!" I answered. (I should be dainty and refer to underwear as panties, but with a household of boys and a lack of dantiness I just can't bring myself to do it!)
"Ahh, mommy" he began to say...before I cut him off with, "what do you need?"
"Daddy put your underwear and clothes away yesterday!" he answered.
"And of course he did...that's what you're supposed to do when you do laundry!" I said.
I do believe that kids learn from the examples of their parents, my kids learn from the example of how Not to do things. I always tell them "and this is the way you're not supposed to do it!" Dr. Phil would have a field day with this family!
Seamus had his Music Festival yesterday. There class was the first performance. The class performed "The Clock Store Story" and Seamus had a Xylophone solo of the ticking of the grandfather clock. The performance was wonderful. During the performance I began to weep (I cry at all my kid's performances) and I looked over at another mom and whispered "allergies". I might just add that my son is a natural on the xylophone! He didn't miss a beat!! They didn't win any categories, but Seamus added, "it's all about having fun in the competition mom!" (of course it is dear)
It is slightly windy and kind of sprinkling wet today. Probably by the end of the day it will be raining hard outside. We will do chores around the house.
The other day I thought I would be a good mom and take Gavin for his trike-push. We got him all suited up (jersey, bike jacket, helmet) and ran out the door. Along the beginning of our loop we passed a neighbourhood mom who was taking her children for a walk.
"Does that bike ever look fun to ride!" she said to me as I huffed on by her.
"Yes, it is fun!" I smiled, lying through my braced teeth.
"Lots of work!" she added.
"Good for exercise!" I added.
I pushed along and Gavin wouldn't cooperate. He wouldn't pedal, he wouldn't steer and he was on the verge of something not very good. When we got to the last corner of the loop before our house he started to scream and point.
"S-tore" he cried, "S-tore!"
"Mommy didn't bring any money hunny!" I answered.
He began to have a full fledged tantrum. The kind, where you look at parents whose kids are having one and say to yourself, "there's no way I'd allow my kid to act like that!" Well, he was acting like that. Immediately I scooped him up in one arm and began to steer the abandoned trike down the slight hill to our house. Gavin was screaming and kicking. I noticed a couple of people peeking through their blinds of the house. I passed the lady who was walking the opposite direction that we had taken and smiled, "still having fun!" (and still lying through my braced teeth!)
Nothing exciting is planned for the weekend. Scott is off so we will probably take the boys for a hike.
I leave you now with a quote for the day:
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare."-Ed Asner.
Have a great day!

1 comment:

Hick said...

Reading your blog takes me back about 7-10 years. It's stressful but fun raising little children.

My youngest walked in his sleep for a few years (thankfully he never peed on anything) and it turns out sleepwalking is inherited...his father sleepwalked for a while when he was very young. Weird, huh?

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